I gasped for air as another wave came crashing down on us. I could feel Victor’s hand slip a bit and I held his tiny fingers tighter. I looked around for something to hold unto, the waves were receding and we just had to hold on a bit longer. Roy’s cry was piercing through my ears and Victor’s constant shout of "Mother" kept sending a cold chill down my spine. I held Roy’s two year old body against my bosom, and pulled Victor closer. Another wave and we would be swept away, unless we found something to hold unto. My eyes studied wildly, I could see people struggling, trees falling and animals swimming. Just as I closed my eyes in despair, I saw a big log.
That was it.
I knew if I could reach that log, we could stay afloat. I started wading towards the log; it was about a meter away. I pulled the weight of my kids along with me as my tired body groaned. I looked at the sea again, and to my horror saw the tide rise and come towards us again. There was not much time; I had to make it to the log. My body wouldn’t move, it had gone numb with shock. I looked at the log; it was just a little far away. The tide was getting closer, and as I tried to move again, I found the solution to my problem, and it hit me harder than a high tide.
I had to let go.
I had to let go of one of them if I had to make it to the log, there was no other way. My mind engaged in the quickest of duals with its emotions. I knew I had to make the choice; time was running out, better two than none I reasoned. I didn’t think if I could live with it. I couldn’t bear to think of that.
I looked at both of them, they had gone white with fear, and had their eyes closed. I closed my eyes as well and slowly let go of Victor’s hand and pushed myself towards the log. I felt my mind die when I heard him scream in horror.
We reached the log.
It was evening when I woke up, I found myself wrapped in a thick blanket. Roy was lying next to me, sleeping peacefully. I sat up straight and looked around. We were in our house, and nobody was around. As I looked for Victor I remembered, and felt my heart break open. I wept for him, I wept for myself. I didn’t think of reason now, all I thought of now was murder. I killed my child, I abandoned him.
As I silently wept, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I looked up at the touch and saw Victor standing next to me alongside his father. His face was white, his eyes were blank. I couldn’t believe my eyes for a second, and I ran my hands through his hair to be sure. He was alive, he was saved.
“He managed to hold onto a rock, and we found him unconscious later.”
I pulled him towards me, hugged him tight and smothered him with kisses. He was not dead, he was saved. Gratitude rushed through my body and I was overwhelmed with joy. As I looked at him again, I felt his grip weaken. He looked at me blankly, his lips were trembling.
“Why did you leave me mom? Don’t you love me?”
He was not saved, and neither was I.